Huzzah! We are TTC…again… For number 3.
Baby 2, Emma, was born prematurely, made it through a week’ish hospital stay, grew into a beautiful rough and tumble girl. And then our hearts broke and the world ended when she drowned 28 Sept 2014. Our world…my world came to a standstill. And no, I’m not ok. I will never be ok ever again. This was the clichéd Life changing event that a drunken hippie foresaw in my palm 13odd years ago. In the constant state of ‘Not OK’, i had to rewire my mind to shift the mean. Normal is up here, my Not-OK is about dooown here. So i shifted the mean of ok to where i am. Now if people ask if i am ok,i whip out my modified LJ chart and i can answer, Yes, I am OK.
Back to TTC Nr 3. (Technically 4 but i got a tattoo for that,so lets just call it 3 and be done with it)
Reality is: time did indeed NOT stand still. The world kept turning, i kept aging. Flowers bloomed and i missed Hobby X in Cape Town.
At my post funeral health checkup, my doctor asked if we were planning another child yet. And you know, honestly, i had. I was just wrestling with the socially acceptable mourning period that had to pass before TCC’ing again. I told my doc, we’ll think about it. After Christmas.
But like all serious decisions Henk and I’ve made, we discussed it over a quick cuppa, hugged it out and did a baby dance.
That was before Christmas 2014. So I’m knee deep in Cycle 2. I haven’t felt any implantation pains like i had with previous pregnancies. But i believe that 2015 we WILL make a baby. We need some magic in our lives right now.
My clock is ticking.